Fruitless attempts at being cool in your childhood

Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney Love, and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in

Postby chimp » Sun Jul 14, 2019 9:59 pm

In retrospect she was probably hoping to help me become less of a lonely nerd.
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Postby chimp » Sun Jul 14, 2019 9:59 pm

nice
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Postby bruceagain » Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:04 pm

not really a toop friendly thread
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Postby donna martin » Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:09 pm

Spoilt Victorian Child wrote:
donna martin wrote:when i was 12 clueless had just come out and i tried to recreate cher's plaid skirt look with stuff i had in my closet (subbing in my soccer socks for knee high socks).

my mom saw my outfit and refused to let me leave the house until i changed.

thanks mom.

It's insane to me that parents don't intervene in these situations more often.


tbf, arguing with a teenager about what's "cool" seems ... not remotely worth the effort most of the time.

feel like parents have to pick their battles and save their energy for the real crises. and this was absolutely one of them.
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Postby pana » Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:13 pm

a year later you could've pulled that off as a cher / sporty spice fit
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Postby Spoilt Victorian Child » Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:20 pm

Think the way to do it is to have one fight establishing a framework for these decisions, and then just refer back to it when needed.

Something like, "Are any of your friends dressing like this?" and "Which friends, specifically?"
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Postby mancubz » Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:21 pm

also lol like parents know what's "cool"
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Postby donna martin » Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:27 pm

Spoilt Victorian Child wrote:Think the way to do it is to have one fight establishing a framework for these decisions, and then just refer back to it when needed.

Something like, "Are any of your friends dressing like this?" and "Which friends, specifically?"


I mean, school is full of packs of children imitating one another in an often fruitless and ultimately useless endeavor to find an identity that is both unique and helps them fit in with everyone else, in an exhausting effort to just get through the day.

Kind of like wedding planning, really.
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Postby donna martin » Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:31 pm

mancubz wrote:also lol like parents know what's "cool"


My mom is known for her lack of tact. She never tried to argue about what was cool. She just said it was ugly and she wasn't buying it.
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Postby Catullus » Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:37 pm

I was and am fat so I was under no delusions I would ever be cool based on looks. Also my parents bought us clothes exactly once a year and it wasn’t conducive to trends. I did have this amazing plaid zip up hoodie that I wish I still had.

Anyway I wore a uniform from 7-12 grade which was a huge plus. My worst fashion decisions were bangs and short alls both of which I’m pretty sure I have evidence of. Oh and one pic includes a scottie dog sweater I wore unironically.
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Postby Spoilt Victorian Child » Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:42 pm

mancubz wrote:also lol like parents know what's "cool"

Presumably they're at least as clueless as their kids, but I think a lot of these disasters are pretty easy to identify.
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Postby Merciel » Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:44 pm

You've met my parents. There's no way they would have recognized, let alone tried to intervene in, any of our various disastrous fashion decisions.
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Postby jalapeño ranch » Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:46 pm

When I played youth soccer I used to tuck the cuffs of my sweatpants underneath the pants near the top of my shin, essentially making them high-water sweatpants. My friend Brynna's little brother started copying me and doing the same, then one day his mom called my mom to ask me to stop doing it.
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Postby Merciel » Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:48 pm

Anyway I never really tried to be cool, on account of having locked in to "weirdo nerd" as my identity around roughly kindergarten, so this was not a thing for me.

I did go through a period of being excruciatingly bad at makeup. It was very hard to learn how to do makeup appropriately in the pre-internet age without access to Sephora. I don't think I figured that out to even a vaguely acceptable level until I was around 17. Up until that point I was just trying to take cues from whatever bullshit Cosmo was hawking as the "latest trend" that month, and would routinely try to wear frost white lipstick or blue eyeliner or whatever else they were selling.

I committed a lot of crimes against makeup in my day.
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Postby Jeremy » Mon Jul 15, 2019 12:10 am

How long does "childhood" last.
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Postby Mr. Cool Wave » Mon Jul 15, 2019 12:14 am

this one from a previous thread is an all-timer

dan wrote:When I was 10 I got some award for having perfect attendance or something and they were gonna hand out the award at this big end of the year assembly. I decided like a week before that it would be a lot more impressive if I crab walked up to the stage to get my award. So the night came and basically I ended up doing this very slow crab walk from the back of the auditorium all the way up the aisle in front of the entire school and my parents. When I reached the steps up to the stage I tried in vein for about 10 seconds to somehow walk on all fours up a set of 5 stairs before finally just leaping to my feet and doing a small jog up to the principal to get my award. I thought the whole crowd would be clapping and cheering but it was just absolute silence. My parents were mortified.
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Postby Getbetter » Mon Jul 15, 2019 12:16 am

Ive never been cool. I once worn a Hawaiian shirt open with a white shirt unneath it.
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Postby tarantula » Mon Jul 15, 2019 12:26 am

my attempts at appearing cool were always well calculated and successful, which only made me suspicious of whatever is deemed cool because it obviously had nothing to do with who i really was and was just a contrived gesture that got a positive reaction

these people are complete idiots, i'd think to myself, as i was appearing cool

which is not to say that true coolness doesn't exist. it does and every time i encounter it i want to understand it better so i can participate
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Postby crime » Mon Jul 15, 2019 1:44 am

thought i invented the backwards sideways peace sign.

tried to get my 5th grade teacher to play the sims house party ost cd in class

was given a aeroflot t-shirt by my pilot uncle and wore it days in a row, until a kid asked if i was some sort of communist queer
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Postby Milk » Mon Jul 15, 2019 3:29 am

In my teens i think i managed to look ok, only minor risk i took was with the hat which went over well, more so than i realised then. Im not sure about the military beret i tried for the 3 months i went to college but generally hats suit me fairly well so... and this was mid 90's.

However i do remember a fail though it wasn't that i got overly ridiculed for it although i did get one or two "what have we got over here?" type comments. But...lord... i tried to have...so shameful to admit... but a kind of...poet-ish looking shirt? And i remember my mom paid a lot of money for it and told me not to tell my dad because he disapproved of spending more than the minimum on clothes, and i wore this black shirt which wasn't really puffy but was kind off on its way there and i wore it one single day and i never wore it again. But years later....like... 15 years maybe, my brother found it and started wearing it and he wore it fine and for many eyars which is good because i always felt bad for the money wasted. It kinda wasn't as bad as i remembered really once i saw it again on him but in those days it was so unlike anything i wore it felt really hmm...out there... to wear and i immediately felt nope, i'm going for a look i cannot pull, abort. I blame this on wanting to take my fashion cues from 1984 (wanting to but never really did it). I was dying for an 80's revival already in like...1993 this would have been i think.... those early 90's years during which all things 80's were to be reviled and ridiculed.
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Postby Milk » Mon Jul 15, 2019 3:42 am

the biggest regret i have is not something i did but something i didnt...i SO wanted a cool aviator jacket and never found one at a decent price.

I used to think, in HS (well maybe more middle), if i had an aviator jacket, things would really turn around for me yknow?
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Postby Dinosauria We » Mon Jul 15, 2019 6:11 am

I was at the movies with my cousins seeing Cable Guy. It was towards the end of the movie's run so the theater was empty aside from the three of us and a group of similarly aged girls that walked in as the opening credits ran. I didn't see them in the darkness of the theater but heard their laughter and so I spent the entire movie thinking of ways to gain their attention. My hope was that we could walk around the mall together after the movie. When yelling catchphrases from wrestling throughout the movie didn't work, during the closing credits when the lights went on, I turned around towards them and attempted to crush a soda can on my face. However, my approach in doing so was not to turn the empty can and crush it on my forehead, from the bottom like I'd seen on tv. Instead I held the can upright, still containing half the soda, and smashed it against my face, with my nose taking the brunt of the damage. In the explosion, I got some of the remaining soda on my cousin's new Paco jeans. The girls shrieked, then laughed, then ran out of the theater. The bridge of my nose was still bleeding when my grandma came to pick us up.
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Postby chimp » Mon Jul 15, 2019 7:01 am

That’s the good stuff
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Postby bruceagain » Mon Jul 15, 2019 7:25 am

god i love these threads
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Postby dusky » Mon Jul 15, 2019 7:35 am

-jumped off a roof to impress my older, neighbor crush and ended up breaking my ankle and then puking right after insisting I was ok.

-intentionally scratched up the bottom of my first skateboard on the sidewalk, to a ridiculous degree, then got immediately called out by the alpha in front of the whole pack.
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Postby father of two » Mon Jul 15, 2019 10:49 am

clouds wrote:i combed my hair to the front and gelled it into this stiff tidal wave shape in 6th grade. the sad thing is i knew it looked dumb and i hated it, but all the other boys were doing it and school is terrible.

it was so stupid. don't know what to google to get a pic.


we called these the 'tech deck ramp'
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Postby bro tones » Mon Jul 15, 2019 10:52 am

we called it the "ski slope"
benj wrote:rest in peace luggii dead ass
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Postby bro tones » Mon Jul 15, 2019 10:52 am

dusky wrote:-jumped off a roof to impress my older, neighbor crush and ended up breaking my ankle and then puking right after insisting I was ok.

i cannot stop laughing at this
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Postby Annie May » Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:08 am

I told this girl that i wanted to be a hipster but i needed fashion advice and we made a date to go shopping at the mall together. When the day came i wanted to make a good impression so i gelled my hair back, put on a lime green t shirt and this silver suit jacket embroidered with skulls my mom had gotten me a year before. Paired with jeans and sneakers. My dad dropped me off at the mall and I waited for a while but she didn't answer my calls so i just wandered around the mall by myself receiving of lot of strange looks. I got auntie Anne's pretzels and sat in the food court fighting back tears as i waited for my dad to come pick me up.
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Postby mannequin_art » Mon Jul 15, 2019 12:41 pm

Image

In 5th grade I convinced my mom to buy me one of these jester hats at the Renaissance Faire even though she kept saying it was a waste of money. I'm just now realizing she probably didn't expect me to wear it outside of the Faire but hey, at least I got my moneys worth out of it.
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